Cold Morning Memories

First thing this morning I was reminded to smile and send a blessing on for making it to this retirement from my previous life.   I woke up and let a couple of the dogs out at 7:00 am. I looked out into the still, dark, chilly morning and remembered that not that years ago I would be even now walking from my car towards the school building gathering my thoughts together to face another day of the expected and unexpected.  I even remember that last year when I would look out over the dark and still empty parking lot and remind myself that, “This too will pass….” And it did. Now it is only a memory and the dogs and I quietly slip back under the warm covers and close our eyes for another hour or so of dreams and sleep. It is amazing what getting 8 and 9 hours of sleep can do.  Among other things I do not miss sleep deprivation. 

I have just finished an interesting book by David Eagleman, Incognito.  

In discussing an experiment on the workings of the left and right hemispheres of the brain he states that, “When one part of the brain makes a choice, other parts can quickly invent a story to explain why.”

Mornings can look different after retirement.

Our brain is always working on incomplete perceptions of our world but our brain in its love for order and reason will fill in the blanks so seamlessly that we don’t even know what we know and what we have made up to instantly fill in the blanks.

Listen for the Bells

The gift cards are officially on their way and I made my way through Target earlier yesterday to pick up some items there.  I stimulated the economy in my own small way.  The dogs even have their 2012 dog licenses. So they are covered for another year. Merry Christmas! They have a warm home, a comfortable couch/bed, enough to eat. In these economic times, that is a lot. Now I will step back and try to avoid as much of the holidays as I can.

There was once a house rule that the Christmas music had to wait until after Thanksgiving.  It then played and played and filled the rooms with memories of childhood.  The tree actually got set up and it would entertain children with its lights, cats with its tinsel and the dogs with its build in round balls to fetch.  The children are gone. Tinsel isn’t good for cats and these particular dogs have never had a tree or ornaments to chase across the floor.

The sense of the season began to fall apart even before our own young children grew up to know that they would rather have “Santa” give them a gift card so that they could pursue their distinctive sense of style or needs.   Back when I was still in college one of the last of those old traditions got pulled.  I got home for the holidays to find there was no official, “Trip to find the perfect tree.” My step mother didn’t find it necessary or relevant for my father and I to find the special tree. My father’s wife kept chipping away at our childhood traditions because…well because, they were not hers.  I realized that Christmas could exist in a vacuum unattached. It might look pretty but have no real heart. She always lacked the ability to appreciate what is important to others.

In college I remember the warmth of friendships and caroling and rush of small gift giving (we were all “college” poor) that carried us through those last days of the term. There was magic in the air. Even final exams didn’t seem to dent the spirit much but then we were sort of geeks.  Then I had to return to Ohio and home and holidays just were not so warm and fuzzy there but everything sure looked pretty! 

Now every December I watch all the car commercials and jewelry stores filled with sparkly things.  I have to say that I travel in the wrong circles because I don’t know anyone who has gotten a new car for Christmas. I suppose it could happen but I don’t think that the big gift giving experience is what is missing.  I don’t want to hear one more commercial reminding me what I could buy…or where I could go to buy it. 

Maybe a quiet snowstorm and a purring cat in my lap with some Christmas music in the background will help.  I know that the dogs will want to go visit their friends at the health care facility later today.  The closest I get to remembering the feeling the miracle magic of Christmas is when the dogs walk through the room with their bells tinkling and I see heads come up trying to find what “lost reindeer” made that sound and there are smiles. 

For some the miracle of Christmas is the birth of a small baby and not so much about buying new cars.  But regardless of one’s personal beliefs Christmas does remind many of us that there was a time that we still believed in the magic of childhood and dreams of possibilities. Before we drowned in a history of dysfunctional family gatherings there was joy and wonder. In our hearts some Christmas still exists in most of us.  

They believe in the power and magic of dog bones.